Starbucks and I have broken up. I know it is hard to believe. After 8 years and just prior to Valentines Day one of my longest running love affairs is coming to a close. I am crest fallen and feel sad and lost. I wonder how they could have changed the soymilk without asking me. How could they do that? My Grande Soy no water no foam Tazo Chai Latte now tastes like vanilla syrup instead of Chai tea.
Over the past few days I have had to hunt for the final few stores that are still using Silk soymilk. The number of options is running out. It took me 3 stops today and the one location I thought would get me through the weekend will be out tomorrow if not tonight. I have now ruled out 5 maybe 6 locations. I am truly hoping that I will be able to get one last Chai tomorrow. After that I do not know what I am going to do. Is there a Centre for Starbucks Chai addicts to go detox?
I feel a bit of trepidation about all of this. I am losing the one thing I have taken comfort in for the past 8 years. I also think my identity has some how mingled with Starbucks. I worked for them for a year and all my friends buy me Starbucks cards as gifts. Not to mention that my hand has taken on the shape of the Starbucks Grande cup. I even have my own reusable cloth sleeve! I hang out in at least 4 different locations and know Barista’s at 8 or more. I own stock as well, yes the Starbucks stock that has taken a nosedive (35 bucks down to around $9.50), but I held on.
I wonder what I am going to do with my time. I feel a sense of fear when I wonder what I will be doing. There is a fancy new location opening up one block from my home and now I have no reason to go in there! Inside that fear there is also a sense of hope. I am interested, not excited just interested, in what new experiences await me. Where I may find myself now that I will be free of Starbucks. What new things will happen as my hand loses that Grande shape and the green hue fades from my skin? Maybe I will get a date? Maybe.
I just ran some numbers. 365 days per year over 8 years is 2920 days. The average cost of my Latte is $4.88. That little number multiplied by 2920 is 14249.60. Which in currency is $14,294.60! Wow, 8 years from now I can go on a nice trip or something! Also, there is 36 grams of sugar in one Grande Soy no water no foam Tazo Chai Latte. Using the same numbers that is 105120 – 105120 grams of sugar that I have consumed over the past 8 years. How is it that I am not diabetic? I must admit I am looking forward to not having 36 grams of sugar a day, in a drink!
Still, my lover is gone. When I think back over the years I have so many memories. If this were a video flashback there would be scenes of me running, my hair blowing in the wind with a Chai in hand; me throwing my head back in laughter with a Chai in hand; sitting with friends deep in conversation with my Chai in front me, hands wrapped lovingly around it. The camera would pan around and you would see me laughing with all the Barista’s and sharing heart felt moments, like getting an oatmeal raisin cookie with my Chai or better still ordering a Venti. The music would reflect the love of all these scenes.
Then as the video montage came to a close you would see the evil backstabbing Starbucks Empire betraying me. In their fancy upscale boardroom, the Execs putting the final touches on their evil plan to pull the soy out from under me. You would hear that familiar evil laughter as their plan came to fruition (I can just see all the Execs in Seattle with their pinkie fingers in their mouths). The laughter would intensify as the new organic environmentally friendly packaged soymilk that tastes like vanilla syrup hits the stores. It would reverberate around me and as the camera started to spin and fly into the air you would be left with the visual of me, my head in my hands, broken Starbucks cups all around me and my torn cloth sleeve hanging from my finger tips. I would be crying and screaming why! Whhhhhhyyyyyy, as I fall to my knees! All those crazy Starbucks Execs would laugh even more and turn their backs, leaving me on the street standing in the cold, discarded like a pile of used coffee grinds. Whhhhyyyyyy!!!!
Postscript: If any of you know a detox Centre for caffeine and sugar withdrawal, please let me know. I am in for one serious crash!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
The Last 15
I was wondering what would I write about if I only had this one opportunity. If, once this is written, I may never write again. What would I put to paper for an eternity. The answer may surprise you all. The answer is, I have no fucking idea! I mean really who the hell would? Of course, you could write some mumbo jumbo life is wonderful crapolla and I have no doubt that lots of other people could come up with some amazing insights to share; I, however have none.
I really just want to get up and walk the dog around the block. Actually that is a lie. What I really want to do is go to Metro and get one of the best damn brownies around. They make them without nuts and drown it in icing. Along with that brownie I want a tub of Ben and Jerry’s brownie ice cream. I love that stuff and the two together, well, that’s worth the heart attack. Pretty much every night I love to indulge into my desire for junk food. I think most of my life has become sex and junk food. What else is there?
Okay, so lets consider that. What else is there to do other than cruise for sex and eat brownies and ice cream? I have 5 people that call me Uncle. Well, I have 9 actually. I am blood Uncle to 5 of them. Oh, I just thought of two more that refer to me as Uncle, so that makes 11. I wonder what they would think if they read this, my final piece of writing and all they got out of it was an amazing recipe for chocolate brownie ice cream goodness. What would they think? I do not know.
I also have two people that call me brother and I would like to think that that number is actually three (maybe 4). I have one living parent and a stepparent that is also alive. I have someone I call Uncle and a person I call Aunt. I should also include the group of people that refer to me as cousin. Off the top of my head that number is 5. I have a dog and roommate, which seems odd to mention in the same sentence. The roommate helped me bring the dog into our lives so perhaps it does make sense. I also have a bunch of friends and co-workers and assorted acquaintances. So what?
So, I am not really sure. I do know that in one way or another all those people have a label for me. I suppose I am thinking that that alone should give me some great insight and inspiration to write something that has depth and meaning, that these relationships would give me the strength and courage to move beyond the chocolate. In the end, I am afraid, that it does not because I find myself sitting here thinking that once I have this is out of the way, once I have hit on that great one liner, I will head off to the store. I will finally be able to get what I truly want, my reward for doing my 15 plus minutes and completing this challenge.
I also wonder why all these people I know, well more so the ones that refer to me as brother, Uncle or cousin work independently of me. Actually, in the interest of truth I think it is just the ones that refer to me as brother. Why are they separate? Why do they not see the place I am in and get in here and help me out of it? How come I am always facing the ticking hollow minutes alone? Why is this room so damn cold? I wonder if they are over there thinking the same thing of the person that refers to them as sister. I cannot save the fucking Universe and I cannot save them either. I am the youngest after all and I should not have too.
I said today that it is so easy to see the other person’s exit. You know what I mean? When you are listening to someone’s problems and you are thinking, Jesus Christ just walk out that fucking door. It is right there in front of your face, just turn the knob and push! But, when it comes to your own problems a raging fire has blocked the door and the fear you feel approaching it ties your stomach into knots and is enough to make you drop where you stand. Your panic stricken body shakes and there is sweat running down your face. You want out so damn bad but there is no way in hell you can reach for your salvation.
In that moment you realize that your exit is clear to the poor soul you are dumping on right now. They can see it right there, so plainly, it drives them nuts that you wont take the opportunity that is right before you. They want to shake you and kick your whining crybaby ass; they want to drag your stupid fucked up self to the top of some building and toss you over. But, they don’t. And they don’t because they know that that would be a crime and they would spend a lot of time in jail, despite the rather justifiable explanation.
When I said that today, about the clear exit, I felt compassion for one of the people that refers to me as brother. I understood the fear that has them trapped inside the life they have chosen. When I look really closely around the life I am trapped in I see them in the shadows. I actually see lots of others in here with me. Oh so many of us stumbling around looking for the exit. I can also see, very clearly, all the exits in front of them, but I cannot, however, see my own.
I really just want to get up and walk the dog around the block. Actually that is a lie. What I really want to do is go to Metro and get one of the best damn brownies around. They make them without nuts and drown it in icing. Along with that brownie I want a tub of Ben and Jerry’s brownie ice cream. I love that stuff and the two together, well, that’s worth the heart attack. Pretty much every night I love to indulge into my desire for junk food. I think most of my life has become sex and junk food. What else is there?
Okay, so lets consider that. What else is there to do other than cruise for sex and eat brownies and ice cream? I have 5 people that call me Uncle. Well, I have 9 actually. I am blood Uncle to 5 of them. Oh, I just thought of two more that refer to me as Uncle, so that makes 11. I wonder what they would think if they read this, my final piece of writing and all they got out of it was an amazing recipe for chocolate brownie ice cream goodness. What would they think? I do not know.
I also have two people that call me brother and I would like to think that that number is actually three (maybe 4). I have one living parent and a stepparent that is also alive. I have someone I call Uncle and a person I call Aunt. I should also include the group of people that refer to me as cousin. Off the top of my head that number is 5. I have a dog and roommate, which seems odd to mention in the same sentence. The roommate helped me bring the dog into our lives so perhaps it does make sense. I also have a bunch of friends and co-workers and assorted acquaintances. So what?
So, I am not really sure. I do know that in one way or another all those people have a label for me. I suppose I am thinking that that alone should give me some great insight and inspiration to write something that has depth and meaning, that these relationships would give me the strength and courage to move beyond the chocolate. In the end, I am afraid, that it does not because I find myself sitting here thinking that once I have this is out of the way, once I have hit on that great one liner, I will head off to the store. I will finally be able to get what I truly want, my reward for doing my 15 plus minutes and completing this challenge.
I also wonder why all these people I know, well more so the ones that refer to me as brother, Uncle or cousin work independently of me. Actually, in the interest of truth I think it is just the ones that refer to me as brother. Why are they separate? Why do they not see the place I am in and get in here and help me out of it? How come I am always facing the ticking hollow minutes alone? Why is this room so damn cold? I wonder if they are over there thinking the same thing of the person that refers to them as sister. I cannot save the fucking Universe and I cannot save them either. I am the youngest after all and I should not have too.
I said today that it is so easy to see the other person’s exit. You know what I mean? When you are listening to someone’s problems and you are thinking, Jesus Christ just walk out that fucking door. It is right there in front of your face, just turn the knob and push! But, when it comes to your own problems a raging fire has blocked the door and the fear you feel approaching it ties your stomach into knots and is enough to make you drop where you stand. Your panic stricken body shakes and there is sweat running down your face. You want out so damn bad but there is no way in hell you can reach for your salvation.
In that moment you realize that your exit is clear to the poor soul you are dumping on right now. They can see it right there, so plainly, it drives them nuts that you wont take the opportunity that is right before you. They want to shake you and kick your whining crybaby ass; they want to drag your stupid fucked up self to the top of some building and toss you over. But, they don’t. And they don’t because they know that that would be a crime and they would spend a lot of time in jail, despite the rather justifiable explanation.
When I said that today, about the clear exit, I felt compassion for one of the people that refers to me as brother. I understood the fear that has them trapped inside the life they have chosen. When I look really closely around the life I am trapped in I see them in the shadows. I actually see lots of others in here with me. Oh so many of us stumbling around looking for the exit. I can also see, very clearly, all the exits in front of them, but I cannot, however, see my own.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Todays Fifteen
Todays post is based on an encouonter I had earleir this afternoon. It did not take 15 minutes to write. However, adding in this part and then getting it posted took at least that long. I am hopeful that since the idea is to write everyday I will not lose the challenge based on a few minutes here and there. In actual overall time today, I have spent more than 15 minutes writing. I wrote in my new journal and I wrote this piece. I think it all adds up and counts!
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I was walking the dog today. From time to time people comment on my dog and I usually just say thank you and keep on moving. However, every now and again more of my attention is required, unless I want to be an ass and ignore the other person. Example, this afternoon a woman stopped and began talking to me about her dog. She had a beagle and according to the story she told this Beagle was a super hero. Her dog’s super power was smelling!
The woman related a story that went something like this. While living in Ingersoll she took her Beagle to the park. The Beagle was able to smell bones that were buried 10 to 12 feet under ground. This, of course, is remarkable enough but the story gets even better. One day, when she was not looking, her Beagle began to dig. Much to her surprise the dog showed up with bones! I have no idea how she knew the bones were 12 feet deep, I imagine she went over and checked out the hole her dog had dug.
Having discovered the deep pit of bones she did what any good dog owner does. She called the police. I did not find out what the bones were or what the police did about that, it seemed secondary to the rest of the tale. Based on the super smelling senses her dog had the police took the dog in for “smell testing”. Of course, the Beagle passed with flying colours. Which is no surprise after finding bones buried 12 feet deep.
After evaluating the dog’s sense of smell the dog was offered a job as a drug “sniffer”. The woman, however, did not want her dog to be working every day so she turned down the job on the dog’s behalf. In the cold light of hindsight this poor woman told me she regretted her decision. "All dogs should have a job", she said "they like to work". We ruminated on that for a moment and then I said, “well, you loved your dog and that’s really what mattered”. She agreed. We smiled and bid each other a farewell and we went on about our days.
What a great moment in downtown dog walking. Had I not been in a hurry to get to work, I may have asked her what the bones were, animal or human. I would also certainly of asked her how long it took to fill the hole in!
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The Super Hero Beagle
I was walking the dog today. From time to time people comment on my dog and I usually just say thank you and keep on moving. However, every now and again more of my attention is required, unless I want to be an ass and ignore the other person. Example, this afternoon a woman stopped and began talking to me about her dog. She had a beagle and according to the story she told this Beagle was a super hero. Her dog’s super power was smelling!
The woman related a story that went something like this. While living in Ingersoll she took her Beagle to the park. The Beagle was able to smell bones that were buried 10 to 12 feet under ground. This, of course, is remarkable enough but the story gets even better. One day, when she was not looking, her Beagle began to dig. Much to her surprise the dog showed up with bones! I have no idea how she knew the bones were 12 feet deep, I imagine she went over and checked out the hole her dog had dug.
Having discovered the deep pit of bones she did what any good dog owner does. She called the police. I did not find out what the bones were or what the police did about that, it seemed secondary to the rest of the tale. Based on the super smelling senses her dog had the police took the dog in for “smell testing”. Of course, the Beagle passed with flying colours. Which is no surprise after finding bones buried 12 feet deep.
After evaluating the dog’s sense of smell the dog was offered a job as a drug “sniffer”. The woman, however, did not want her dog to be working every day so she turned down the job on the dog’s behalf. In the cold light of hindsight this poor woman told me she regretted her decision. "All dogs should have a job", she said "they like to work". We ruminated on that for a moment and then I said, “well, you loved your dog and that’s really what mattered”. She agreed. We smiled and bid each other a farewell and we went on about our days.
What a great moment in downtown dog walking. Had I not been in a hurry to get to work, I may have asked her what the bones were, animal or human. I would also certainly of asked her how long it took to fill the hole in!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
In 15 Minutes a Day
I am posting this unedited...just becasue I want too. Enjoy it.
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I am supposed to write for 15 minutes each day and I find myself putting it off. This is the first attempt at writing for 15 minutes. I actually need to write for one full hour to make up for the fact that I have not written anything in the past 3 days. When this challenge was put before me I accepted it. Of course I work at avoiding the actually doing of it. When I sat down today I was going to continue working on a piece I started last week. It took me some fancy computer work to actually find the document. When I did discover it I re-read it and now I am not really all the inspired to continue with it. That does not surprise me. It is the way I go with writing. I want the outcome, a great article or novel, but I avoid the work involved in creating it.
I have considered writing short stories, articles, harlequins and, of course, the great Canadian novel. To date I have not done any of that. I do have a Blog and I, from time to time, write things for that. I am not consistent and that makes for a boring lean Blog. Regardless, I think a lot of writing. I often have, what I think, are excellent stories in my head. I develop them while I walk my dog or while I am walking to work. I rarely write because I can avoid that. I surf the Internet. I eat, I watch TV I go for a walk or someone calls and saves me from the agony of sitting down and banging away on my computer keyboard.
Sometimes I write crazy e-mails to my friends. I go on and on and find that easy to do. Once I am in the groove I can come up with something that, based on the feedback, is pretty damn good. Many of my friends think I should be writing. But what would I write about? I mean who the hell wants to read this? I try to come up with ideas for articles, but who would want to buy an article from me? I have nothing really to offer in that regard. There are far better writers than I. I also struggle with my inner ambivalence. That feeling that says so clearly, who gives a shit? Why bother what the hell is the point? That can take the wind out of my sail long before my ship is moving. So, I do not act on the idea of writing.
Why do I want to write? I am not sure. I can only say that I have always wanted to be a writer, to make money for putting words onto paper. I want to be creative and allow that inner energy I have to flow out of me. I love creative pursuits, writing, painting or art of some kind and music. I have a piano, well a Yamaha keyboard and a saxophone. I do not touch either of them. They sit and collect dust while I live the fantasy. That is what this writing for 15 minutes a day is born from. The idea that if I do it I can move from living the fantasy to acting on the desire and actually creating something. I suppose if I act on my desires I would move from being ambivalent and often depressed to being alive and happy. Action is a powerful thing.
I was just struck, for some reason, with the thought of the gym. There is another thing that I actively avoid. For a time, albeit a brief time, I went to the gym at least 4 times a week. I held that for 8 months and I felt great. I was getting results and had tons of energy. I feel off the gym wagon when I took a trip to Halifax. I went away and never went back to the gym. I often wonder why. I was so committed to it; I scheduled my life around it. I am told that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. That may be true but apparently it takes only a day to lose it. Well, maybe it takes a trip away to lose it.
Well, there is the first 15-minute segment taken care of. It is now 4:17 and I just did a little sidebar to surf the net. I need to stay focused until 5pm and then I can move onto something else, maybe the saxophone. I often think I want an active full life but I must not truly want that. I spend a great deal of time sitting around thinking about what I would like to be doing. In some cases I am truly stuck, unsure. I would love to go to Africa or a place like that and help. Either help the people or the animals, probably the animals. Work with some organization that helps protect the dying wild life. Or, work with people in some far off part of the world that need help building schools or learning English of something. I do not feel qualified to help.
I was talking the other day about my fantasy list. This is the list of things that I would love to do but never act on. Like writing. Some of the items on my list I avoid out of fear. Some unknown thing that might happen if I pursue it. Like if I take off to Africa, how and what would I eat? I am very particular about my food. It is easy to list the things I like than the many things I do not like. Of course, I could eat it is an excuse or like I said a fear. Fear is irrational and is something that prevents us from moving forward. Having said that I grant you that it can also save our lives. We have the fear response for a reason. I suppose the trick is to figure out when it is deceiving us and when it is not.
It just occurred to me that I am a true Gemini. On the outside I am so easy going, carefree and full of good humour. As I become aware of what I am writing I realize how serious and uptight I am on the inside. I rarely pursuer what matters to me, what I think is important. I paint my self into corners all the time and then do trivial things to meet the basics of life. I have never planned out anything in my life so is it any wonder that I have never realized my plans! Okay, well moving right along lets take a look at that list:
1. Work in a developing country with the people and animals to help them have a better life.
2. Practise and develop my musical ability.
3. Write.
4. Be a life coach.
5. Be creative everyday, paint, draw etc.
6. Travel the world and experience different cultures and meet new people.
There is the list. I doubt that list is complete and it is not in any particular order. I do wonder how I can work on, say number 2, while living number 1. I do not image that I could develop my musical talent while living in some developing country and helping people that are sick or escaping war. It would be great to help children. So many are abused and forgotten, such lofty ideals I have.
Segment 2 complete, 30 minutes to go. I just thought about the conversations I was having with a friend or two about pursing your personal strengths. This is the great idea that we need not focus on our weakness. Our weaknesses are irrelevant. If you are not good at organizing then don’t get a job doing it. And if your Boss is harping on the state of your desk help him to focus on your results. Maybe you sell the most widgets and he is always telling you need to clean up. Tell him it’s not your strength and if he really wants your office all tidy he should first consider your results. If your Boss cannot drop the trivial and focus on your results than take your skills elsewhere. Okay, that is not really a good example of what I am talking about here. The idea is just that you would focus on what you are good at and run with that. Employers always ask what your weaknesses are. The answer really is, well future employer no need to worry about what my weaknesses might be, I am great at selling widgets, that’s what you need and that is what I will do. So, if I am not a great singer or not particularly good at picking decorator colours what difference does it make? I am sure you get the idea.
I love the idea of being results oriented. Author Timothy Ferris takes that to new heights. Results oriented means that I evaluate my performance based on results. It means shifting our focus away from how many hours you spend at the office or doing whatever it is you are doing. The person that puts in the most hours is often the one with the least results. So, if you can sell tons of widgets and still get in a golf game what difference does that make to the employer? Well, it should not make any difference. If you were making me a million bucks a year but you are able to do it in half the time the rest of the group does it, then go play golf. I can hear the objections from all of you caught up in the status quo paradigm but I am getting sore typing about this and I am not going to further discuss the idea. Just get results focused and see what happens.
Wow, it is now 4:41 and I am 4 minutes away from completing segment 3. And 19, not 18 minutes away from completing segment 4. Clearly I do not need any particular idea to bang off some writing. I can just bang off the random thoughts in my head and fill up a few pages. This is like going to the gym or practising. If you just go its done and time has past but you have something to show for it. Then when you head out one night for some fun, you see the results. Or you hit the stage and again you see the results. So what results are you getting life?
I am briefly stumped. I have no idea what to write next. I feel like this topic, as most of my topics are, dry and old. I do not want to go on and on about the same old same old. I am, however, going to post this on my Blog. I will then post the other 15-minute writings that occur this week. The review day for this challenge is Thursday. I am not sure what will come of all this so we will see. I wonder if each entry will just be some not so exciting insight into my inner self-talk. I am working on a story, which, I think I mentioned. Maybe I can wear myself out with me own blah blah blah stuff and then move onto…wait a minute here is a topic, burgers!
There is a new burger joint which is about to open up on Temperance Street. It is called Original Motorcycle. I am not sure what the connection is to burgers but the menu offers steak burgers. Sides include fries, sweet potatoes fries and onion rings. If you get a combo it is $13.95. I gleaned that today by reading the menu through the locked front doors. I hope it opens up soon because I enjoy getting a good burger on Saturday night and then watching COPS while I eat. Fun times.
Another great thing in the area is that a new Starbucks is opening. We need that for sure. There are only 9 that I can think of within a short walk from where I live. A nice balanced 10 is far better. This new location is one block from my place. It is looking like a great location with a fabulous outdoor patio. This summer is going to be a good year for sitting at Starbucks! I hope it is a good year for Starbucks overall. I have some stock and it has dropped from 35 bucks to 9 bucks. I have no intention of selling them, but I would rather the 35 buck share price than the 9 dollar share price. Given time I am sure they will bounce back. I really have no idea if they will bounce back we are talking about 5 dollar coffee and how long can that last?
Which brings me to Tim Horton’s. I wet into the Tim’s at Spadina and Bloor, what a mess. The customers in that place looked like they had fallen into the street rolled around and then dragged themselves in for a coffee. There were one or two exceptions, but the snob in me rushed out hoping never to have to go back there. I might have to scrounge change to buy a bagel but I still shower. That is an entirely new line of fodder and this novel is coming to a close. Maybe next time I will write about my inner snob. He is there and very much alive. I like him because without him I truly would have no standards!
The time is fast approaching 5pm. I can say that I sat here and wrote. I can say that I made up the time for the past 3 days and put in my time today. I can plan to do this tomorrow because I realize that 15 minutes of writing is really not that tiresome at all. It is rather easy. I have written 2341 words. That count does not include the word “words”. According to Stephen King and his book On Writing one great way to get into writing it so write at least 1000 words per day. I have accomplished both of those goals today, 15 minutes and 1000 words. I do think that doing it everyday makes a difference. I am going to work at not accumulating the time and then banging it off in one sitting. Writing everyday is about making it part of what I do so I can develop the skill and maybe sell some work. How great would that be
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I am supposed to write for 15 minutes each day and I find myself putting it off. This is the first attempt at writing for 15 minutes. I actually need to write for one full hour to make up for the fact that I have not written anything in the past 3 days. When this challenge was put before me I accepted it. Of course I work at avoiding the actually doing of it. When I sat down today I was going to continue working on a piece I started last week. It took me some fancy computer work to actually find the document. When I did discover it I re-read it and now I am not really all the inspired to continue with it. That does not surprise me. It is the way I go with writing. I want the outcome, a great article or novel, but I avoid the work involved in creating it.
I have considered writing short stories, articles, harlequins and, of course, the great Canadian novel. To date I have not done any of that. I do have a Blog and I, from time to time, write things for that. I am not consistent and that makes for a boring lean Blog. Regardless, I think a lot of writing. I often have, what I think, are excellent stories in my head. I develop them while I walk my dog or while I am walking to work. I rarely write because I can avoid that. I surf the Internet. I eat, I watch TV I go for a walk or someone calls and saves me from the agony of sitting down and banging away on my computer keyboard.
Sometimes I write crazy e-mails to my friends. I go on and on and find that easy to do. Once I am in the groove I can come up with something that, based on the feedback, is pretty damn good. Many of my friends think I should be writing. But what would I write about? I mean who the hell wants to read this? I try to come up with ideas for articles, but who would want to buy an article from me? I have nothing really to offer in that regard. There are far better writers than I. I also struggle with my inner ambivalence. That feeling that says so clearly, who gives a shit? Why bother what the hell is the point? That can take the wind out of my sail long before my ship is moving. So, I do not act on the idea of writing.
Why do I want to write? I am not sure. I can only say that I have always wanted to be a writer, to make money for putting words onto paper. I want to be creative and allow that inner energy I have to flow out of me. I love creative pursuits, writing, painting or art of some kind and music. I have a piano, well a Yamaha keyboard and a saxophone. I do not touch either of them. They sit and collect dust while I live the fantasy. That is what this writing for 15 minutes a day is born from. The idea that if I do it I can move from living the fantasy to acting on the desire and actually creating something. I suppose if I act on my desires I would move from being ambivalent and often depressed to being alive and happy. Action is a powerful thing.
I was just struck, for some reason, with the thought of the gym. There is another thing that I actively avoid. For a time, albeit a brief time, I went to the gym at least 4 times a week. I held that for 8 months and I felt great. I was getting results and had tons of energy. I feel off the gym wagon when I took a trip to Halifax. I went away and never went back to the gym. I often wonder why. I was so committed to it; I scheduled my life around it. I am told that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. That may be true but apparently it takes only a day to lose it. Well, maybe it takes a trip away to lose it.
Well, there is the first 15-minute segment taken care of. It is now 4:17 and I just did a little sidebar to surf the net. I need to stay focused until 5pm and then I can move onto something else, maybe the saxophone. I often think I want an active full life but I must not truly want that. I spend a great deal of time sitting around thinking about what I would like to be doing. In some cases I am truly stuck, unsure. I would love to go to Africa or a place like that and help. Either help the people or the animals, probably the animals. Work with some organization that helps protect the dying wild life. Or, work with people in some far off part of the world that need help building schools or learning English of something. I do not feel qualified to help.
I was talking the other day about my fantasy list. This is the list of things that I would love to do but never act on. Like writing. Some of the items on my list I avoid out of fear. Some unknown thing that might happen if I pursue it. Like if I take off to Africa, how and what would I eat? I am very particular about my food. It is easy to list the things I like than the many things I do not like. Of course, I could eat it is an excuse or like I said a fear. Fear is irrational and is something that prevents us from moving forward. Having said that I grant you that it can also save our lives. We have the fear response for a reason. I suppose the trick is to figure out when it is deceiving us and when it is not.
It just occurred to me that I am a true Gemini. On the outside I am so easy going, carefree and full of good humour. As I become aware of what I am writing I realize how serious and uptight I am on the inside. I rarely pursuer what matters to me, what I think is important. I paint my self into corners all the time and then do trivial things to meet the basics of life. I have never planned out anything in my life so is it any wonder that I have never realized my plans! Okay, well moving right along lets take a look at that list:
1. Work in a developing country with the people and animals to help them have a better life.
2. Practise and develop my musical ability.
3. Write.
4. Be a life coach.
5. Be creative everyday, paint, draw etc.
6. Travel the world and experience different cultures and meet new people.
There is the list. I doubt that list is complete and it is not in any particular order. I do wonder how I can work on, say number 2, while living number 1. I do not image that I could develop my musical talent while living in some developing country and helping people that are sick or escaping war. It would be great to help children. So many are abused and forgotten, such lofty ideals I have.
Segment 2 complete, 30 minutes to go. I just thought about the conversations I was having with a friend or two about pursing your personal strengths. This is the great idea that we need not focus on our weakness. Our weaknesses are irrelevant. If you are not good at organizing then don’t get a job doing it. And if your Boss is harping on the state of your desk help him to focus on your results. Maybe you sell the most widgets and he is always telling you need to clean up. Tell him it’s not your strength and if he really wants your office all tidy he should first consider your results. If your Boss cannot drop the trivial and focus on your results than take your skills elsewhere. Okay, that is not really a good example of what I am talking about here. The idea is just that you would focus on what you are good at and run with that. Employers always ask what your weaknesses are. The answer really is, well future employer no need to worry about what my weaknesses might be, I am great at selling widgets, that’s what you need and that is what I will do. So, if I am not a great singer or not particularly good at picking decorator colours what difference does it make? I am sure you get the idea.
I love the idea of being results oriented. Author Timothy Ferris takes that to new heights. Results oriented means that I evaluate my performance based on results. It means shifting our focus away from how many hours you spend at the office or doing whatever it is you are doing. The person that puts in the most hours is often the one with the least results. So, if you can sell tons of widgets and still get in a golf game what difference does that make to the employer? Well, it should not make any difference. If you were making me a million bucks a year but you are able to do it in half the time the rest of the group does it, then go play golf. I can hear the objections from all of you caught up in the status quo paradigm but I am getting sore typing about this and I am not going to further discuss the idea. Just get results focused and see what happens.
Wow, it is now 4:41 and I am 4 minutes away from completing segment 3. And 19, not 18 minutes away from completing segment 4. Clearly I do not need any particular idea to bang off some writing. I can just bang off the random thoughts in my head and fill up a few pages. This is like going to the gym or practising. If you just go its done and time has past but you have something to show for it. Then when you head out one night for some fun, you see the results. Or you hit the stage and again you see the results. So what results are you getting life?
I am briefly stumped. I have no idea what to write next. I feel like this topic, as most of my topics are, dry and old. I do not want to go on and on about the same old same old. I am, however, going to post this on my Blog. I will then post the other 15-minute writings that occur this week. The review day for this challenge is Thursday. I am not sure what will come of all this so we will see. I wonder if each entry will just be some not so exciting insight into my inner self-talk. I am working on a story, which, I think I mentioned. Maybe I can wear myself out with me own blah blah blah stuff and then move onto…wait a minute here is a topic, burgers!
There is a new burger joint which is about to open up on Temperance Street. It is called Original Motorcycle. I am not sure what the connection is to burgers but the menu offers steak burgers. Sides include fries, sweet potatoes fries and onion rings. If you get a combo it is $13.95. I gleaned that today by reading the menu through the locked front doors. I hope it opens up soon because I enjoy getting a good burger on Saturday night and then watching COPS while I eat. Fun times.
Another great thing in the area is that a new Starbucks is opening. We need that for sure. There are only 9 that I can think of within a short walk from where I live. A nice balanced 10 is far better. This new location is one block from my place. It is looking like a great location with a fabulous outdoor patio. This summer is going to be a good year for sitting at Starbucks! I hope it is a good year for Starbucks overall. I have some stock and it has dropped from 35 bucks to 9 bucks. I have no intention of selling them, but I would rather the 35 buck share price than the 9 dollar share price. Given time I am sure they will bounce back. I really have no idea if they will bounce back we are talking about 5 dollar coffee and how long can that last?
Which brings me to Tim Horton’s. I wet into the Tim’s at Spadina and Bloor, what a mess. The customers in that place looked like they had fallen into the street rolled around and then dragged themselves in for a coffee. There were one or two exceptions, but the snob in me rushed out hoping never to have to go back there. I might have to scrounge change to buy a bagel but I still shower. That is an entirely new line of fodder and this novel is coming to a close. Maybe next time I will write about my inner snob. He is there and very much alive. I like him because without him I truly would have no standards!
The time is fast approaching 5pm. I can say that I sat here and wrote. I can say that I made up the time for the past 3 days and put in my time today. I can plan to do this tomorrow because I realize that 15 minutes of writing is really not that tiresome at all. It is rather easy. I have written 2341 words. That count does not include the word “words”. According to Stephen King and his book On Writing one great way to get into writing it so write at least 1000 words per day. I have accomplished both of those goals today, 15 minutes and 1000 words. I do think that doing it everyday makes a difference. I am going to work at not accumulating the time and then banging it off in one sitting. Writing everyday is about making it part of what I do so I can develop the skill and maybe sell some work. How great would that be
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