My Dying Green Love

Starbucks and I have broken up. I know it is hard to believe. After 8 years and just prior to Valentines Day one of my longest running love affairs is coming to a close. I am crest fallen and feel sad and lost. I wonder how they could have changed the soymilk without asking me. How could they do that? My Grande Soy no water no foam Tazo Chai Latte now tastes like vanilla syrup instead of Chai tea.

Over the past few days I have had to hunt for the final few stores that are still using Silk soymilk. The number of options is running out. It took me 3 stops today and the one location I thought would get me through the weekend will be out tomorrow if not tonight. I have now ruled out 5 maybe 6 locations. I am truly hoping that I will be able to get one last Chai tomorrow. After that I do not know what I am going to do. Is there a Centre for Starbucks Chai addicts to go detox?

I feel a bit of trepidation about all of this. I am losing the one thing I have taken comfort in for the past 8 years. I also think my identity has some how mingled with Starbucks. I worked for them for a year and all my friends buy me Starbucks cards as gifts. Not to mention that my hand has taken on the shape of the Starbucks Grande cup. I even have my own reusable cloth sleeve! I hang out in at least 4 different locations and know Barista’s at 8 or more. I own stock as well, yes the Starbucks stock that has taken a nosedive (35 bucks down to around $9.50), but I held on.

I wonder what I am going to do with my time. I feel a sense of fear when I wonder what I will be doing. There is a fancy new location opening up one block from my home and now I have no reason to go in there! Inside that fear there is also a sense of hope. I am interested, not excited just interested, in what new experiences await me. Where I may find myself now that I will be free of Starbucks. What new things will happen as my hand loses that Grande shape and the green hue fades from my skin? Maybe I will get a date? Maybe.

I just ran some numbers. 365 days per year over 8 years is 2920 days. The average cost of my Latte is $4.88. That little number multiplied by 2920 is 14249.60. Which in currency is $14,294.60! Wow, 8 years from now I can go on a nice trip or something! Also, there is 36 grams of sugar in one Grande Soy no water no foam Tazo Chai Latte. Using the same numbers that is 105120 – 105120 grams of sugar that I have consumed over the past 8 years. How is it that I am not diabetic? I must admit I am looking forward to not having 36 grams of sugar a day, in a drink!

Still, my lover is gone. When I think back over the years I have so many memories. If this were a video flashback there would be scenes of me running, my hair blowing in the wind with a Chai in hand; me throwing my head back in laughter with a Chai in hand; sitting with friends deep in conversation with my Chai in front me, hands wrapped lovingly around it. The camera would pan around and you would see me laughing with all the Barista’s and sharing heart felt moments, like getting an oatmeal raisin cookie with my Chai or better still ordering a Venti. The music would reflect the love of all these scenes.

Then as the video montage came to a close you would see the evil backstabbing Starbucks Empire betraying me. In their fancy upscale boardroom, the Execs putting the final touches on their evil plan to pull the soy out from under me. You would hear that familiar evil laughter as their plan came to fruition (I can just see all the Execs in Seattle with their pinkie fingers in their mouths). The laughter would intensify as the new organic environmentally friendly packaged soymilk that tastes like vanilla syrup hits the stores. It would reverberate around me and as the camera started to spin and fly into the air you would be left with the visual of me, my head in my hands, broken Starbucks cups all around me and my torn cloth sleeve hanging from my finger tips. I would be crying and screaming why! Whhhhhhyyyyyy, as I fall to my knees! All those crazy Starbucks Execs would laugh even more and turn their backs, leaving me on the street standing in the cold, discarded like a pile of used coffee grinds. Whhhhyyyyyy!!!!


Postscript: If any of you know a detox Centre for caffeine and sugar withdrawal, please let me know. I am in for one serious crash!